An Open Letter to My Son’s Principal – What’s being done about all this lava?

Principal Marvin Jenkins
Oakwood Elementary
New Orleans, LA

Dear Principal Jenkins,

My son Shane, a student in Mrs. Brown’s Tiny Tots class, brought something to my attention that I find gravely concerning. It appears your campus is being overrun by rivers of what he described as “bubbly and super-duper hot lava!” I was aghast. How a prestigious and upstanding institution such as your own could be so perilous, truly escapes me. Evidently, it has penetrated almost every corner of the school: under the rope ladder on the playground, the pillow corner in the reading nook, and most troubling of all, the floor mat in the main entrance.

As you may well imagine, I am extremely uncomfortable with my son attending a place of learning with so many treacherous hazards. This cannot stand and must be rectified for the safety of not only the students, but the entire staff. I’m certain the school board would disapprove of boiling molten earth flowing through the halls of Oakwood Elementary and putting all our children at risk. It would be unfortunate if this matter were to make its way up the ladder, so I’m sure you won’t hesitate to address it post haste.

I appreciate how difficult it must be to oversee the education of an entire student body, but if left unchecked a crisis of this magnitude would ultimately end that responsibility. I pray that no mother has to come home to a child with a melted extremity before the situation can be corrected. Then where would we be?

Hell, that’s where.

On a side note, Shane has informed me that there are no longer any T-Rex’s in the new cafeteria. Thank you for handling that in an expeditious manner.


Barbara Holland, concerned parent.

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